HARD TO SWALLOW

We are not alone. I'm here to report that squatters have taken up residence in the carport. Yesterday one of my neighbours dropped by. We were standing at the doorway chatting when I saw something black whooshing through the carport, doing a U turn and then making a speedy exit. My neighbour turned just in time to see it. "It might be a barn swallow", she said. Sure enough, on closer inspection, there was a newly built nest in tuhe rafters of the carport, on top of one of the long fluorescent light fixtures.

Last fall, I'd had swallows evicted from the roof cavity and I know they like to return, year after year, to the scene of the crime. So here we are again. Wait'll they find out how rarely I turn on the fluorescents: if they're hoping their nest has heated floors, it's going to be a grave disappointment. I have a soft spot for birds, and if they want to nest in the rafters, I'm prepared to be a pretty good landlord. But this morning I noticed my shiny black car, the sleek and lovely Lorraine, had a lot of bird droppings on the rear left taillight. A quick trip to the car wash took care of that, but I've had to move my car to the other side of the carport for the season. Better get those babies housebroken, Mrs. Swallow. Wouldn't want to aggravate the S.O.B. Landlord, now, would we?